I've managed to have stomach upsets for my last two gigs which adds a certain urgency to the set. The Grove thought I shouldn't have started my inter song banter with 'I'm feeling a bit dodgy'. No one really wants to know that do they? Unfortunately I have a habit of telling the truth. £50 for singing Elton John at the wedding - I might just do it again...in fact we have been asked to sing at another wedding. I think this is turning into a lucrative sideline! The nice thing about here, about this, is I feel like I could say anything. It's a little black hole in the middle of nowhere.
So it wasn't so bad in the end. We managed to make people cry and I got to guzzle champagne. I feel a longwinded entry coming on but I'll leave it for another day. Reading Murakami's new book of short stories - just my cup of tea.
Through imperceptible means I find myself singing ballads at a stranger's wedding in two weeks time. But these are not just any old songs...As the couple walk down the aisle I will be singing 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' and later on my brother and I will sing Elton's 'Your Song'. There's no accounting for taste but if that's what the bride and groom want that's what they'll get. I recorded a rough version of SOR yesterday. I'm a bit worried that my version is a little too melancholy (I have an inability to write happy tunes even if the lyrics are positive) but if you look at the lyrics, it is quite a sad song...'All the happy little bluebirds are flying over the rainbow - why can't I?'. They're being left behind not taken up the aisle. Oh well, I'm not going to argue. I enjoyed singing it yesterday in my own way. I just hope it's the way that they want it.
My colleague getting fired has affected me a lot more than I anticipated. Obviously I have more work to do but I also miss her. I didn't always get on with her (we had very different personalities) but she was there for seven hours a day in a certain spot and now there's just an empty chair. These are the sorts of things that make someone feel uneasy and anxious. The weekend came just in time I think. I was starting to sleep talk about being at work again 'Yes, the folder is in the filing cabinet just next to the zzzzzz'.
I still sleep talk quite frequently (see previous blogs on sleep troubles etc). Last night I apparently said:
'What I'm saying is based on concrete'
I obviously didn't get to finish with 'evidence' before falling asleep again.
I am always trying to convince the Grove that I am not talking rubbish when I am. The poor man has to be woken up with unfinished nonsense like above.
Today has just taken a nasty turn. My colleague who I share an office with has been fired and been given a week's notice. It has made me feel slightly edgy to say the least. I knew things weren't going well but I hadn't realised quite how bad they were. I am going to go over after work to try and offer some comfort. It's all a bit strange.
I've decided to return here. It feels like a nice little hiding place away from everything and, reading over what I've written before, it feels a shame not to continue. Why not have multiple places on the internet where you deposit your thoughts for free?
Yesterday I met someone I disliked intensely. This doesn't normally happen to me (and I'm sure it's the same for most people). It is very rare to come across someone that you can't make any excuses for...'They're just drunk', 'They've had a bad day', 'They surely didn't just say that did they?'...but this man was so obnoxious and manipulative that I felt like I was being bullied all over again. Luckily people realised that he was distressing me and protected me but not before I had to listen to him effectively sneer at everything I stood for. I feel positive about this experience because it goes to show that you very rarely meet people who are genuinely horrid. It felt so strange to come across someone like that. I'm very grateful I don't know him and will never have to see him again.
Finally finished Blindness by Jose Saramago. I had originally bought a copy but left it on the tube (an unintentional bookcrossing you could say). I tracked it down in the local library and tried to remember where I had left off. Nick (back from Japan!) has lent me Fugitive Pieces by Anne Michaels. You can tell she is a poet. Her prose is so fluid that you feel swept along on a sea of words. Drawn in...It struck me yesterday that reading good books makes you remember what is important. To be consumed by a single sentence is such a wonderful feeling. All those books waiting to be read with ideas and images that can help you to fathom out life...it's enough to make you feel slightly positive about the world! This is all very deep and meaningful on a Sunday morning. I'll make a quick exit before it gets any worse...
I now mostly amuse myself here
I am not here anymore.
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